


5 times Peter Parker almost killed someone

by Alexei2020



Series: Oneshot collection [2]
Category: Spider-Man (Tom Holland Movies), Spider-Man - All Media Types
Genre: 5+1 Things, Dead Dove: Do Not Eat, Hurt Peter Parker, Implied/Referenced Rape/Non-con, M/M, Mind Games, Mind Manipulation, Past Child Abuse, Peter Parker Needs a Hug, Peter Parker Whump, Peter Parker is a Mess, Peter Parker is pissed, Protective Peter Parker, With Great Power Comes Great Responsibility
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-04-24
Updated: 2020-04-24
Packaged: 2021-03-01 17:02:35
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,772
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23820526
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Alexei2020/pseuds/Alexei2020
Summary: and the one time is was a mistake to leave them alive.
Relationships: Ned Leeds/Peter Parker
Series: Oneshot collection [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1877071
Comments: 11
Kudos: 87





	5 times Peter Parker almost killed someone

5 times Peter Parker almost killed someone

I

_With great power comes great responsibility._  
_With great power comes great responsibility._

The six words with the greatest life lesson and advise ever given. It's stuck in the fourteen-year old kid's head. It's stuck when he agrees to help Flash with his chemistry homework. When he reluctantly enters the big house and greets his mother. It's stuck when he finds Flash in his bedroom with a black eye. It's stuck when he praises him for his smarts. When they spend four hours each week for 6 months to get his grades up. It's still ringing in the back of his head when Flash shoves him into lockers at school like nothing happens at his home. When he yells at Ned through the hallways. 

He lives by the words. And he always does what's best. No matter how much it hurts, because Ben is his uncle. He took him in when he lost his own brother. He raised him. And he knows he wouldn't forgive himself if he betrayed him by becoming a man who wouldn't do his best in any situation. 

_With great power comes great responsibility._

It's not fair. That's what goes through Peter's head when he's kneeling on the sidewalk. His eyes are foggy. His hair is wet with rain. His body is shaking. His hands full of crimson red liquid as he squeezes his uncles chest. It should be him. This is his fault. His uncle is bleeding out on the sidewalk because Peter was angry. It should be him. It's not fair.  
May's empty expression. Pale skin. Bruises under her eyes. Holed out cheeks. Peter feels like he should do something. But he can't. She lost her husband. Her rock. The love of her life. And she doesn't know how to keep going. And Peter is scared she doesn't really want to. 

It hurts. It hurts so bad. It's his fault. He wants to drop. Standing in front of the sinking coffin in his uncles old suit and tie. Clutching Ned's hand because May can't look at him. He wants to be strong for her. But he knows. And she knows it too. This is his fault. And no hugs or kisses or sorry's will ever make up for that. And it hurts.

_With great power comes great responsibility._

That's what he tells himself after the worst flu in history. When he wakes up after a nightmare stuck to the ceiling. When his chemistry book is stuck to his hand. When he put his glasses on the night stand and never puts them back on. When his alarm is smashed at 6 am because he tried to turn it off. When he rips the door off the henges because May is yelling at him to get ready for school.   
It's what he tells himself when he designs a costume. Red and blue. His and his uncles favorite colors. When he spends the whole weekend making a web fluid formula. When he dumpster dives for parts to make his web shooters. When he spends all of chem class to make the fluids.

He whispers it to himself before he jumps of the building for the first time. With the adrenaline pumping through his veins. When he calculates in his head when exactly to shoot before he hits the ground. When he feels the yanking in his shoulder and swings around a corner. He whispers it to himself when he glues a robber to the brick wall. When he knocks out a rapist. When he climbs a tree to help a cat. When he dives into a burning building to save two small kids.

He forgets it when he spots the man who pulled the trigger on his uncle. His mind clouded with anger. For a second he's back on the sidewalk. Hands covered in blood and tears dripping from his eyes. He forgets when he follows the man into a building. When he sticks him to the ground. When he throws the first punch. And the second. And the third. He forgets when the man asks why he's doing it. He's so, so angry. His blood is boiling, shoulders shaking as he straddles the guy on the floor, fingers tightening the grip around his neck. He stares at the terrified expression underneath him. Watches as he struggles for air. He stares as the eyes rolls back in the skull. Just like Ben's did.

_With great power comes great responsibility._

And he lets go. Because he knows. He knows Ben would never forgive him. May would never forgive him. And he would never forgive himself. So he lets go. He grabs the unconcious man and brings him to the police. He leaves him on the stairs outside. With a sticky note on his forehead and webs trapping him in place. 

_Found murderer. You're welcome._  
_Your friendly neighborhood Spider-Man_

_With great power comes great responsibility._

II

Being ignored is not fun. Usually it's not a problem. Sometimes he actually enjoys it. The few times he can chat with Ned by his locker without being bothered. When he can zone out in class without being noticed. When he can sneak out his bedroom window without being seen. 

Being ignored is not fun when you get your hopes up for something else. When The Tony Stark shows up at your apartment and tells you he knows who you are. When he wants you to fight for him. When he drags you across the world to fight Captain America. When he gives you his right hand's number after, and tells you to keep them updated. And every call goes to voicemail. Every message goes unanswered. 

Being ignored is not fun when there's alien tech weapons being sold on the streets and you are way over your head. When you're drowning and the man who's supposed to mentor you sends an empty suit to scold you. And still won't listen. 

Being ignored is okay when you don't care anymore. When your mentor says you're not good enough. When he takes your suit and says you're done. When he doesn't care about you either. Then it's okay to be ignored. You can go to homecoming with the pretty girl. Wear your uncle's old suit and whisper to yourself that he would be proud. It's okay when the dealer of the alien tech doesn't know who you are. 

It's not okay when he's your date's dad. When he points a gun at you in his car on the way to the dance. When he threatens to kill you if you get in his way. When you have to ask your best friend for help because your mentor took away the suit. When you get punched through a school bus and have to look in your best friends terrified eyes. 

It would've been fine to be ignored when you track the bad guy down to a garage. When he taunts you instead. When he buries you under a collapsed building to die. And then you don't want to be ignored anymore. But no amount of screaming or wheezing when your lungs give out will help. There's no one to hear you. No one to see the tears building up in your eyes. 

Your ribs give way for the pressure of the concrete above you. Your spine is about to snap. And you know it doesn't matter. No one will save you. You can only save yourself. And if you don't the bad guy will win. You're Spider-Man. You can do this. And you feel every drop of blood and adrenaline boiling inside. The bad guy is willing to kill a fifteen year old kid for his cause. To bring destruction to the world. To give the criminals an upper hand. So it doesn't matter anymore that no one sees you. Hears you. Listens to you. You have to fix this. You have to take him down. 

Being ignored is fine when sneaking up on someone. When you climb the outside of a high jacked plane. Your mentor's high jacked plane. When you cling to it for your life. Until the bag guy finds you. And almost brings the plane down on the city full of civilians. 

And then you don't care again. You get the plane down on the beach. You get a hold on the guy. And he still taunts you. You're beaten, bloody, everything hurts. Your lungs are filled with dust and debris. Your hands are shaking with anger. And then the guy tries to take off with a faulty armor, threatening to explode. And you are so, so tempted to let it happen. He doesn't want your help. He doesn't care about you. He tried to kill you two times in one night. And it's so tempting. 

But then his daughter's smile flickers behind your eyes. When she saw you. Listened to you. Heard you. And she doesn't deserve to lose her dad. She doesn't deserve the pain of losing a loved one. So you save the guy anyway. You're Spider-Man. You can do this. You're better than him. He can ignore your pleading for him to listen. It doesn't matter. You can save him anyway. 

And you do. And when Happy arrives, you ignore him. Hide. You don't need him. You're broken, tired, bloody and full of debris, dust and smoke. You got the bad guy on your own, because they wouldn't listen. You almost died. twice. You almost let him die. But it doesn't matter. You did the right thing. 

_With great power, comes great responsibility._

III

Love is weird. He doesn't like it at first. He loved his parents. He loved his uncle. He loves his aunt. And he likes that kind of love. The cheer devotion. The kind of love that never fades or goes away. It's always there. No matter how much they yell at each other. 

His babysitter once said that friends made love to each other. And they were friends. They read comics together. Like he and Ned would. They played video games together. Just like he and Ned would. Build lego together. Just like him and Ned. 

But he said friends made love to each other. And Peter didn't understand. He knew love was what he felt for his parents. His aunt and uncle. Maybe he even loved Ned. They were best friends. But they never did what Skip showed him in his magazines. But Skip said that's what friends did. And Peter didn't like it. 

That kind of love was weird. It hurt. And he didn't want to. But Skip said that's what friends did. And Skip was his friend. They had to do it. And it hurt so bad. He felt so dirty. And he really didn't want to. And if this was what friends were supposed to do, then he didn't want any. He definitely didn't want to be Ned's friend anymore. 

Peter was nine. Skip was sixteen. And they were supposed to be friends. They were not. Ben and May said he wasn't supposed to do those things. Friends didn't do that. That wasn't love. But Skip was never caught. He ran away. But Peter got help. He was friends with Ned. Real friends. Friends who play lego. Read comics. Play video games. 

Love is weird. Peter loved his parents. His uncle. He love his aunt. And at age seventeen he finds out he loves his best friend. A different kind of love. But it's a good kind. And he likes this. The affection. The sparkles when he holds his hand. When they smile at each other in the hallway at school. When they cuddle under the blankets watching Star Wars.

And he knows what love is now. He knows when he sees Skip walking down the street. He knows when he hears Skip talking to a child outside a store. And he knows he has to do something. When all the hurt, and dirt and humiliation fills his heart again. And he thinks he might just hate the man. 

He hates him for what he did. For the part of him he destroyed. The broken pieces that never really healed. And it shatters all over again when he takes the little boy's hand and walks away from the store. So he follows him. Follows him to an alley. And his heart stops when he hears the little boy cry. To whisper that he doesn't want to do that. He wants to go home. 

His heart doesn't start until Skip is lying on the ground. Bloody and bruised. With Peter standing above him with crimson liquid dripping from his knuckles. Heaving for air. He wants so desperately to grab his head and twist until he hears the snap. He deserves it. But then he thinks of Ned. The disappointment in his eyes if he comes home with death on his hands. So he traps him with his web and leaves. 

_Found Child molester_  
_Your friendly neighborhood Spider-Man_

Peter knows what love is. He loved his parents. His uncle. He loves his aunt and he loves his best friend. But he knows hate too. Peter is seventeen when he learns how to hate.

_With great power, comes great responsibility._

IV

Sometimes all you need is a break. That's what Peter tells himself when he signs up for the trip to Europe with his decathlon team over the summer break. A break from being a superhero. He's eighteen, and has spent almost every night for four years out on the streets saving the citizens of Queens. He went to space. He died. And in five seconds half the universe had moved five years ahead of him. He lost his mentor. And he feels so alone. 

He has a plan. He's going to spend the trip to Europe to tell Ned how amazing he is. How much he means to him. The reunion in the hallway at school after he came back was the happiest he's ever been. The secret handshake. The hug. The kiss. The smile. The tears when he got to hold him again. And the feeling of never wanting to let him go again.

So Peter decides this trip is his chance to really show Ned what he means to him. So he doesn't pack his suit. He's on vacation. Until he's not. He's been ghosting Nick Fury for a month. And then he shows up at the hotel. Shooting Ned with a tranquilizer dart. He's 'kidnapped' and taken to meet the fish bowl guy who took down the water monster in Venice. 

The fish bowl guy seems nice enough. And he reminds him of Tony. And apparently there's some elemental monsters roaming around the world, trying to destroy it. So Peter's not on vacation anymore. He's on a mission. And he's so tired. He wants to give up the superhero life all together. How is he supposed to stop a lava man with web fluid? 

Somehow they managed to get rid of the elementals. They won. And Peter can finally get his vacation. He can spend the rest of the trip with Ned. Holding his hand. Cuddle on the hotel bed. Try new foods at the small cafes they pass while walking through the towns. He gave the only thing Tony left him to Beck. They were meant for the next Iron Man. And Peter isn't sure he even wants to be Spider-Man anymore. But Beck is a hero. He can carry the weight. 

Except Beck is the villain. He used Peter to get the glasses from him. To trick him into giving away the only thing Mr. Stark gave him. And Peter is crushed. He's tired. He's broken. And his senses fails him. His mind is playing tricks on him. And he sees the disappointment from his aunt. His mentor is blaming him. Ned leaves him. And he just can't take it anymore.

He's a failure. He's not worth it. And then he's hit by a train, and he hates that he has to live through the pain. But Beck has Mr. Stark's glasses. He has the power to take over just about anything he wants. And he is starting by taking out his friends. Killing Peter wasn't enough. And it makes him so angry. He might not be worth it, but no one is killing his friends because of him. 

So he takes him down. Forces his senses to work. They have to. He can't lose. He just can't. He stands in front of Beck, with his gun in his hand. The one he tried to shoot Peter with is now aimed at him. Finger on the trigger, and he's shaking. He's shaking so bad. This monster would kill anyone without hesitation. Just to get what he wants. He doesn't deserve a place in this world. 

_With great power, comes great responsibility._

He lowers the gun. Breathe. He's not worth it. He can smile that evil smile of victory all he wants. Peter won't do it. He's eighteen years old. He's been a hero for four years. He's been to space. He died. He came back. He lost so much. He knows love. He knows hate. He's been broken down so many times he lost count. But he won't lose to a guy wearing a fish bowl for a hat. 

V

Peter is running. He's hiding. He flees. Everyone knows who he is. And all the bad guys he ever put behind bars is after him. And Peter curses the spider that made him who he is. He's twenty years old and his life just ended. May and Ned are hiding with the avengers. Safe. Secured. And Peter is running for his life.

He's hunted down across the country. No matter where he is, a knife is flying after him. A hunting knife. He hides in warehouses. Safe houses. He hides in the forest. He hides. But never good enough. And he's scared. So terribly scared. 

He misses his aunt. He hopes she is doing fine. That she is safe. He wants to protect her. And he tells himself that the only way to do that is to run. Every time he passes a payphone and his fingers itch. Every time he subconsciously taps her number on his thigh, he tells himself that he can't. He has to keep her safe. 

He misses Ned. He wants to hug him again. Feel his warmth when he envelopes him. He wants to kiss him. Feel the love that radiated between them. He wants to laugh with him as they comment on everything wrong with all the stupid movies they watch. He wants to cry with him on the anniversary of Ben's death. Of Tony's death. He wants to go home.

But he runs. And dodges the hunting knife chasing him. He needs to stop this. Somehow. But he has no idea how. The world knows the identity of Spider-Man. The world filled with angry criminals he fought. And someone has paid a hunter to track him down and kill him. 

But Peter is smart. He is a genius. And he works best under pressure. He can calculate how to safely bring down a plane when it's thirty seconds from the ground. He knows exactly when to shoot a web to not hit the concrete underneath him as he jumps from a sky scraper. He can take down five armed robbers in a bank filled with hostages, without anyone getting hurt. He can catch the hunter. He just has to end up behind him instead of constantly running in front. 

It's not hard. Peter is strong. And he is pissed. So when he gets the knife chasing him. He wants to throw it right back. He wants to see the hunter go down. He wants to stand over him and twist the knife into the flesh. He wants to hear the screams. He wants to look in the man's eyes as the life drains from them. He wants to go home. He's tired. And he's pissed.

But he doesn't. He throws him through a brick wall. He tackles him to the ground. He straddles him. Just as he did to Ben's killer. He has the knife in his hand. Clutching it so hard the handle breaks. He stares at the wide eyes filled with horror. He listens to the heartbeat. Beating so fast it sounds like a train. He smells the fear oozing off him. 

_With great power, comes great responsibility._

He drags him to the police station instead. Throws him on the floor in front of the officers. He's so tired. And broken. And he wants to go home.

+I

Peter doesn't kill. We wanted to, so many times. But he knew he couldn't. So he didn't. He would never forgive himself if he did. May would never forgive him. Ben would never forgive him. Tony would never forgive. But when he finds himself strapped to a metal table, a needle penetrating his neck, removing his powers, he really wished he did. When they showed up as his apartment, threatening his fiance if he didn't give up. He really wished he did. 

When he sees the second needle in his vision. When Doc Ock is smiling, telling him that he's about to die. He really wished he killed them all. When Beck is telling him it was about time they got their revenge. He tells himself to keep breathing. No matter what the needle is. Keep breathing. He's going to get out. He's been Spider-Man for ten years. He can get through this. He's getting home to Ned. They'll get married. He's getting back to May. He's going to tell her how much he loves her. 

_Just breathe_. Don't stop breathing. It'll be fine.   
_With great power, comes great responsibility._

His eyes stops working. They roll back in his head. Like Ben's killer. Like Kraven. _Just keep breathing._

His nose stops working. The chemical smell from the lab he's trapped in disappeares. It's freeing. He can't smell the sweat from his capturers. He can't smell the metal from the table he's lying on. _Just keep breathing._

His ears stops working. The voices around him is gone. The six other heartbeats is gone. The dripping from the sink is no longer there. _Just keep breathing._

He can't feel his body. His arms are missing. His legs disappears. Like he's dusting away all over again. And he can't tell himself to _just keep breathing_ , because he doesn't know how anymore.

_With great power, comes great responsibility._


End file.
